We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
