She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
