For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize