Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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