Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
