I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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