Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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