why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
