please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
