I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just threw up on my dentist
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize