we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't put those talents on a resume
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
