We got so high we made milksteak
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize