i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
