I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
