idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
