where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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