I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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