it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How external is "for external use only"?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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