so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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