we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
