smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
