I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
