it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
