my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
