saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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