He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
