i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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