Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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