The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize