A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
