If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
