You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
