I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
