I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize