I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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