so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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