I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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