I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
