i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
