beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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