Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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