Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
