I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
