you traded sex for a burrito?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
