I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
