I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize