U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
