there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
