it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
