Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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