That's intense
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Randomize
