Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
