We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
