You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
