Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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