i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
