I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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