I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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