she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
