haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
