apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
