Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
