hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
